As sandwich parents, we’re constantly juggling competing demands. Raising children requires us to lean heavily on our strengths just to get through each day. But what happens when the very qualities that helped us survive start working against us?
The Superpower That Stops Working
Most of us have that one thing we’re known for… our “superpower.” Maybe you’re the family problem-solver, the one everyone calls in a crisis. Perhaps you’re incredibly organized, keeping multiple households running smoothly. Or you might be the eternal optimist, always finding the silver lining when others see only clouds.
These strengths are real, and they’ve probably served you well. People admire them, rely on them, and maybe even define you by them. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: any strength, when overused, becomes a weakness.
It’s like using a hammer for every single task when building a house. A hammer is perfect for driving nails, but try using it to install delicate wiring or paint trim work, and you’ll quickly see its limitations. The same principle applies to our personal strengths.
My “Winging It” Wake-Up Call
In my twenties, I discovered I had a particular talent for improvisation. Throw me into any situation—a work crisis, a social gathering, even a family emergency—and I could find a way to make things turn out okay. I became the person others turned to when plans fell apart or unexpected challenges arose.
This ability felt like a superpower. I prided myself on being adaptable, resourceful, and unflappable. Why plan extensively when you can just figure it out as you go? Why stress about details when you know you’ll handle whatever comes up?
But as I entered the parenting years, “winging it” stopped being an asset. I was becoming lazy; instead of planning ahead, I relied on my superpower. And when dealing with kids, there are simply too many moving parts (e.g. schedules, meal planning, doctor appointments, homework deadlines, permission slips, birthday parties, etc.). So many things could go wrong simultaneously, and due to chronic sleep deprivation and the mental load that comes with parenting, brain fog made it nearly impossible to make good decisions on the spot.
The old formula of “figure it out in real time” crumbled when I realized I was forgetting important things, double-booking activities, and constantly feeling like I was playing catch-up instead of staying ahead of our family’s needs. What worked when I only had to manage my own life became a recipe for chaos when other people depended on me to keep their worlds running smoothly.
My greatest strength had become my biggest liability.
Recognizing the Signs
How do you know when your strength is becoming overused? Here are some warning signs I’ve learned to watch for:
Family feedback changes: Instead of praising your strength, family members start expressing frustration. “Mom, you don’t have to fix everything” or “Dad, sometimes we just want you to listen, not solve it.”
Diminishing returns: You’re working harder than ever using your signature approach, but getting worse results. The more you try to control situations, the more chaotic they become. The more you try to keep everyone happy, the more conflict arises.
Physical and emotional exhaustion: Overusing any strength is draining. If you find yourself constantly tired despite relying on what should be your natural talent, it might be time to examine whether you’re overdoing it.
Tunnel vision: You start seeing every problem through the lens of your particular strength, missing other solutions that might be more appropriate.
Finding Balance
The goal isn’t to abandon our strengths—they’re part of who we are and they’ve gotten us this far. Instead, we need to learn when to use them and when to try different approaches.
Diversify your toolkit: Just as financial advisors recommend diversifying investments, we need to diversify our problem-solving approaches. If you’re naturally a planner, practice some spontaneity. If you’re a natural improviser, try creating some structure.
Ask before assuming: Before jumping in with your signature move, pause and ask yourself (or your family members): “What does this situation actually need?” Sometimes your teenager needs problem-solving help, but sometimes they just need you to listen.
Build in recovery time: Using any skill intensively requires rest. If you’ve spent the day being the family mediator, give yourself permission to step back that evening. If you’ve been in full organizational mode, allow for some unstructured time.
Embrace your beginner’s mind: Be willing to be bad at things that don’t come naturally. If you’re used to being competent and having answers, the discomfort of not knowing can be valuable growth.
Moving Forward with Intention
The next time someone compliments you on your signature strength, receive it with gratitude and also with awareness. Ask yourself: “Am I using this strength intentionally, or has it become my default response to everything?”
Remember that real strength lies not in having one outstanding ability, but in knowing when to use it and when to choose a different tool. In the complex, ever-changing world of parenting, our greatest superpower might just be the wisdom to know when our superpowers need a rest.
After all, even Superman had to learn when to be Clark Kent.
Sherry Yuan Hunter 