The Stress Continuum

The Stress Continuum was first created by the US Marine Corps for use in combat setting. Used to measure how soldiers were managing stress in combat, it has now been applied to a variety of settings, including firefighters, Law Enforcement, and Healthcare Workers. The continuum is kind of a self-assessment tool to provide those affected by stress to detect potential and actual problems caused by overwhelming stress. It is very clear that first-responders deal with very high levels of stress. That is why they are highly trained (and tested) and why there needs to be more attention paid to their mental health.

What does that have to do with parenting?

Parents can also be like first-responders. We help when we are called, we deal with difficult situations, and sometimes we save lives. However, we weren’t asked to take courses and pass tests in order to obtain credentials that certify our competency for the role of parenting. We are often trying to get a certain amount of basics done even as our bodies and brains are crying out for a break from all the pressure. It’s so important to remember that we cannot produce at a level of ‘thriving’ when we are at the level of ‘overwhelmed’.

Here is a chart to check where we are on the Stress Continuum: Overwhelmed, Surviving, or Thriving and what we can do to make sure that we aren’t adding another layer of stress because we expect a lot more from ourselves.

		Overwhelmed	Surviving	Thriving
	INNER SELF (INVISIBLE)
	Feelings	Anger, anxiety, depression, helplessness	Defensiveness, irritation, nervousness, preservation	Confidence, curiosity, focus, openness
	Intentions	Coping	Getting things done	Planning, organizing, and implementing
	Themes	“I can’t do this.”	“I’ve got to keep going.”	“I’ve got this.”
	OUTER SELF (OBSERVABLE)
	Symptoms	Numbness, panic, sleep issues	Inconsistency, moodiness, tension	Flexibility, generosity, productivity
	Actions	Fighting, Fleeing, or Freezing	Doing	Being
	Relationships	Difficult to maintain	Transactional	Healthy boundaries
	CAN FOCUS ENERGY ON
	Reasonable Goals	Becoming aware	Assessing habits and developing routines	Evolving routines and sustaining health
	Helpful Intentions	Breaking it down Avoiding triggers	Balancing everything Seeking safety	Enjoying life Creating safety for all
	Aspirational Themes	“What’s the next step?” “I’ll be okay.”	“Done is better than perfect.” “I am okay.”	“I can do my best!” “I’m more than okay.”

The stress continuum is a great way to check in with yourself and your children to see what stage you are in before and during an interaction. If you are both on the overwhelmed end of the continuum, the interaction isn’t going to be very productive or positive. Adjusting your expectation for the potential outcome and doing your best may help you prevent another layer of pressure you put on yourself to achieve a perfect outcome.

It is difficult to help our children thrive if we ourselves are not thriving.

Let’s be kind to ourselves if we are not where we want to be on the continuum. We can only do our best.