Self-Compassion to Heal from Complex Trauma
There is now a growing body of research in the area of CPTSD and more now that is outside of what is traditionally white or North American focused. (Yay!) This is good news, because so many people suffer from complex trauma, the symptoms of which include: anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, and challenges with relationships. A…
Great ideas are just things that have already happened… in the future. You’ve already done it. It was/will be fantastic. You know it. It’s coming. We are now, in the present, just figuring out the ‘how’ and ‘enjoying’ the journey there. The uncertainty can either trigger us into a place of fear or motivate us…
What would you rather pay attention to?
It’s the weekend and you’re bringing your child to the mall to run some errands.You board the train, got a seat, and you feel the urge to check your phone to see if anyone messaged you.Well.. I definitely don’t want to miss any messages from my spouse, just in case he wants to add more…
Breathing Through Smog
I’ve been feeling out of sorts. Ten years ago – a whole decade ago – I packed up my then eight-year-old son and a few suitcases and we shipped ourselves off to Wuhan, China. I wasn’t only the only single mother there – I was the only high school teacher parenting a child while living…
4 Lessons from Motherhood
I still remember that beautiful day. The day I got to hold the sweetest being in my arms, having my first picture with her and being all smiley even after a long labour, which ended unexpectedly in an emergency caesarean section. Stepping into the identity of a mum and going on this motherhood journey has…
Seeing the World More Clearly
Sometimes, we get triggered into treating people based on who we believe they are.
“Learning to recognize your trigger reactions is the starting point for this journey. Trigger reactions are the portals into the human unconscious.”
Through the Eyes of Resentment
Resentment is often defined as a common emotion that results from wrongdoing or unfair treatment: injustice or humiliation. Long-term resentment can result in complex trauma.
Short Progress Report
Genuine gratitude comes from authentically and somatically experiencing ‘I like this. I want this. I am happy with this. I enjoy this. I feel safe with this.’
8 Single Mom Truths
Joline, a Singaporean mom who advocates for respectful parenting, shares some compassionate truths from her personal experience as a single mom for the past 2 years.
Repeating yourself to a young child is rarely going to help them do as you say. Let’s imagine you’ve asked your toddler to stop hitting her brother and she doesn’t… you demand one more time with increased volume and annoyance in your tone, “I said stop hitting!” This child of yours—who was showing with the…
Fragility Confusion from CPTSD
CPTSD survivors can be as strong as laminated unbreakable glass, as fragile as coffee carafe, or as dangerous as a broken beer bottle.
Repairing Ruptures in Parent-Child Relationships
By Melissa Xuereb, Parent Coach at Parenting Takes Courage At the invitation of Sherry Yuan Hunter here at Sandwich Parenting, I will be writing a semi-regular blog about Empowered Parenting. This morning as the rain poured, Charlie, Olivia and I were leaving the house. Our car undercover was mostly surrounded by (attractive) puddles. The kids…
One of the most frustrating things in the world is that explosion of rage when our kids (or partners, or friends, or colleagues) exhibit ‘undesirable’ behaviour. We THINK it’s because they are ‘behaving badly’ and that means that we need to work harder to CONTROL the situation. Then comes the shame and, for some, the…
If I Were a Remote…
Our remote control had been missing for over a week. Yup. It’s not an easy thing to live without I must admit and it was gone.
Third Culture Government Kids: BRATS, Both Military and Diplomatic
(Picture: the Aandahl family, Taiwan) By Tim Brantingham I need to do some quick housekeeping before I dive headfirst into this article. First, it might seem cruel and condescending to talk about children, even in jest, as BRATS. But rest assured in the context of military and diplomatic families this term is totally OK: it…
They Don’t Need My Approval!
What should a parent think when their kids don’t need or want their approval anymore?
Tea, Gos, and Self-Esteem
Let’s go back to simpler times of tea and connection!
Creating Good Addictions
We think of addictions as bad. I’ve stayed away from drugs and alcohol; my drug of choice is food.
The Irony of a Safety Net
Do you remember as a kid when you watched the acrobats who would swing high in the air? How did they get so good!?
Torontonians Kulbinder and Scott from Gen-I
Podcast Hosts of Generation Immigrant share their incredible story and why they do the important they do to make the world a better place for those who face barriers due to race, gender, or sexual orientation.
Third Culture Missionary Kids: A Life in Monsoonal Reigning Faith Storms
Missionary kids are characterized by these two loyalties: a love of parents and loyalty to their work; a love of playmates and loyalty to their streets.
The Ps: Process, People and Product
Bill states: “I am solely focused on the process and the product. If someone has an opinion that can make either of those better, I take it and I make changes.”
When failure is the only logical conclusion for every mistake, then it’s time to raise the burden of proof!
Trauma Stewardship by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky
Laura van Dernoot Lipsky highlights the challenges faced by those providing services to the traumatized and provides a practical approach to recovery: or Trauma Stewardship. A must read.
The reason why it’s important to understand privilege is because when we take it for granted, we end up not appreciating what we have and we forget that others never got it. This is the kind of invisible privilege that puts us ahead without us even knowing that we had an advantage.
Parenting Unconsciously and Conditionally
I believe that most of us have been parenting unconsciously. We think we are doings rationally and logically, but a lot of our interactions with our children are completely based on how we feel at the moment.
Narcissistic Abuse Coach Kimberly Weeks
This is an incredibly exciting podcast for me to release for many reasons. Kimberly Weeks is a Trauma Recovery Coach specializing in working with those who are recovering from abused by narcissists. Her choice of specialization comes from a very personal place. Not only is she doing this work for own healing journey and for…
Model Breakers Charlene Wang
Charlene Wang is the Founder of LivingOS, an online community supporting high achievers and, more recently, the author of Model Breakers, a book that aims to help readers break up with the model Asian minority stereotype.
The Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton
Dr. Bruce H. Lipton, a renowned cell biologist, describes new scientific discoveries about epigenetics, the biochemical effects of the brain’s functioning where the cells of your body are affected by your thoughts!
What I Learned from a Coaching Session with Tou Ger Lee
After my podcast interview with Tou Ger Lee, I was so impressed with him that I booked him for a coaching session. And boy, was it mind-blowingly good.
Sandwich Kid Tou Ger Lee
Raw and real, Tou Ger Lee shares the story about his Hmong parents’ journey from the dangerous jungles of Laos to their new sponsored life in Wisconsin. A transformational coach who works with high achievers, Tou Ger knows what it is like to be successful and not actually feel anything. Drawing on his experience rejecting…
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
In The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, van der Kolk combines his experience with his clients with recent and evolving scientific studies into a single resource for anyone working with trauma survivors. This is a must read for anyone who is eager to heal from their trauma,…
Brainstorm by Daniel J. Siegel
Dan Siegel explains why teenagers behave the way they do, why it’s okay, more importantly, how we can behave as parents!
Third Culture Kids: When Euro-Americanism is a Second Language
TCKs from non-Euro-American backgrounds in many ways have a double helping of TCK grief. There was the grief of being on the outside while in school, and then the grief of moving on to another culture, maybe the home culture, and not fitting in there either.
Sandwich Kid from NYC Raj Tawney
Raj Tawney is an American essayist and journalist based in New York. He was raised in a multiracial household by an Indian father and an Italian/Puerto Rican American mother.
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen
Playful Parenting is a surprisingly powerful approach to creating better relationships and cooperation.
“I’m going to teach you a lesson…”
Joline Lim shares intimately her story of origin and how she came to be an advocate and coach for respectful parenting. What are the lessons learnt? Not learnt?
Third Culture Kids: The Return Home (Cue Foreboding Music)
This “home” is the place you have been looking to for many years; it is where you are supposed to belong to; it was pasted on your class poster for 12 years. But now that you have arrived “home” why does it feel more foreign than the foreign place you just left?
The Power of Showing Up by Siegal and Bryson
Starting and ending on hope, this parenting book explains the why and how of showing up is the only thing a parent needs to do.
Third Culture Kid Tim Brantingham
Tim is a Taiwan-born American, a tall white guy whose Chinese is impeccable. A Third-Cuture Kid, Sandwich Kid and Sandwich Parent.
An Introduction to Third Culture Kids: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Their mutual emotional home will be this third culture, and that culture will be based on the shared experiences (some wonderful, some painful) of living in and around different cultures–and it doesn’t matter much which cultures.
Czech-Iraqi-Canadian Author Elen Ghulam
Canadian author Elen Ghulam was born to a Czech mother and an Iraqi father. Mother to three grown children, she is also a flamenco dancer, an artist, and a hostess-chef extraordinaire.
Parenting from the Inside Out by Siegel and Hartzell
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell is a handbook for all parents, a must read!
Your Parenting Mojo
Jen Lumanlan is a parenting coach focused on doing the research so you don’t have to!
Parenting with ‘Legitimate’ Triggers
My children were triggering me to no end. How can it be an over-reaction when, very logically and rationally of course, I was right!?
Too many feelings… no words… Thank you allies.
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
The concept of nonviolent communication is powerful. It’s all about being conscious of the impact of our messages. The key is to listen with curiosity.
Power Couple Coaches: Jen and Eli
Jen and Eli are a Canadian husband and wife coaching team specializing in working with toxic /dysfunctional / abusive families.
I Hear You, Panic Attack, I’m Listening
Somehow, I ended up with a blinding fear of criticism about my judgment and decision-making abilities.
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Prolific education and parenting author Alfie Kohn argues that there is a better way to parent than using rewards and punishments.
A Recovering Perfectionist
Michelle Lee Diasinos, is a Conscious Parent advocate, coach, author and co-host of The Mothers’ Roundtable podcast. A recovering perfectionist, she transforms her life once once she became a parent.
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker
A wonderful book that describes CPTSD and how to heal from its devastating effects on daily life.
Do I WANT to Know?!
I asked if I could borrow his computer. I looked at him sideways and asked if I would find anything odd on his computer, like porn.
The Meaning of Life is…
What is the meaning of life? 42? One day, I woke up and I discovered the meaning of MY life. I realized the answer to “What is the Meaning of Life?” for me!
The Heartful Mama Coach
After deciding that her Super Mom/Tiger Mom approach was not going to work, Lina Lie did her research and now is a parenting coach, focused on Peaceful Parenting.
Future-Proofing Our Children
As parents, we want to give our children stability, safety, freedom from suffering, advantage, and wealth. However, what if the very act to provide them the best ends up impacting them negatively as well?
Untigering by Iris Chen
Untigering is an outstanding intersection of Peaceful Parenting and a deconstruction of systemic trauma in our society.
Parenting with Humour
Award-winning Adrienne Hedger shares how cartooning changed the way she parented. Join our chat about how humour is essential to parenting!
A professor/mentor of mine once told the young mother me that one of the most valuable piece of advice she received was to run regular family meetings.
You Bake, I Write
What delights you and tickles the creative wrinkles of your brain? What are you willing to keep doing over and over again until you start becoming better at it?
Irresponsible “Chi-Knees” Joke is Racist
How disappointing that in this day and age a movie-maker would think it appropriate to release a movie with a racist taunt.
Beliefs (Not Facts) Inform Behaviour
We are so busy that it is impossible for us to deeply investigate each headline. These headlines are designed to scream a soundbite at us to believe and repeat.
Atomic Habits by James Clear
James Clear’s book is all about how to build productive habits and how to stop destructive habits.
Healing from Complex PTSD
Linda Meredith is Australia’s first Certified Trauma Recovery Coach and she shares why we must be the generation that changes how we treat children.
The Power of Prayer
Religion and politics. Those are topics you are supposed to wisely stay away from if you want to maintain peace at family functions or gatherings of friends.
How Low Will You Go?
Depression is like sliding down a hole in the ground. It makes you wonder what’s the point of doing anything, going down is inevitable.
The Rs: Routine and Ritual, Reflection and Restoration
Walking the dog and showering. Brushing teeth and driving. What do these things have in common?
Trading Chinese Pride for White Supremacy
For most of my life, I’ve tried to be more white in order to reduce friction and to survive in this world. I’ve had more than one colleague say “Oh, I totally forget that you’re Chinese.”
Overdoing Goal Setting
People always tell you to be specific about your goals. The more specific you are, the more likely you can achieve your goals. For the most part, that’s true isn’t it?
How Children Learn by John Holt
This is a book that I wish all parents could read before they start getting uptight about their children’s education. The premise is that if you let kids be curious, they will be motivated to learn.
1,000 visits! Fried Rice Anyone?
Celebrating 1,000 hits to Sandwich Parenting!
Learning from Overwhelm
The past month has been incredibly challenging as the feeling of overwhelming stress crashed upon me. There were physical manifestations and mental lows. Many of my friends seem to suffer from this especially during the fall.
A Chin-dian Parent in Singapore
Joline Lim comes from both a Chinese and Indian background (Chin-dian!). Living in Singapore, which is a very competitive environment with a huge focus on academic achievement, Joline is an advocates for Gentle Parenting.
Finding My Political Voice
Politics, like religion, is super tricky. It’s about beliefs, values, and loyalty. Us vs Them. People are “brainwashed” by powers using the subtle but strong messages. I’ve seen more and more parenting sites get political and I’m tentatively trying out my own political voice.
Screen Time in COVID Days
In 2020, my boys have probably clocked more time in front of the screen than they have accumulated in the previous decade. Part of me wants to berate myself for letting it get out of hand. You know, for being a bad mom.
As my mental health was going down the tubes over the past 5 years, my house was a constant source of stress and pain.
Doing “More with Less” Does Not Work!
I would like to flip the Do More with Less mentality to more a Reflect and Rest approach, which ironically allows us to do more with less in the longer run.
From Changing Table to Standing Desk!
Reuse, recycle, and repurpose. COVID challenge results in creative problem solving!
Starting My Day with Making the Bed
For anyone dealing with any sort of mental health challenge, we struggle with what some may describe as procrastination or laziness.
As a Chinese-American and daughter of a pastor, Iris Chen played by the rules and succeeded, but felt that those (impressive) achievements didn’t quite have meaning in her life. She is now on a journey of Untigering.
Channeling John Krasinski
Today, I channel John Krasinski: I will do my very best no matter what my job, I will find the fun and be kind to everyone, I will do my job no matter big or small.
Easier to Move Mountains
A Chinese saying reminds us that it is very difficult to change the nature of who we are, that is it easier to move mountains and rivers.
“Perfect Chinese Son” to “Backpacking Bum”
Authentic (and brutally honest), Jonathan and Annie Su share their Sandwich Parenting experiences in our podcast. They live their lives THEIR way, not necessarily the way they were brought up. They balance the best of East and West.
A Parent’s Job is to Be a Better Adult!
We must be our best selves as we help them develop their own navigation system for the world: they need a sense of right and wrong, judgment to know the difference, wisdom to make good decisions, and strength to stick to the right choices.
New Fun Obsession: PRETZELS!
My therapist wanted me to do something frivolous. Not just activities with functionality. So…
“For Real Life! I Have Monsters in My Head!”
Who says monsters don’t exist? The fear is real, as is the stress… So what next?
Chopped Apples Means Love
Why do apples in Taiwan, imported from the States, taste so much better than apples in the States? The secret is love.
I Am Where I Should Be
We cannot control the past. We cannot control other people. If I am here, I am going to make the best of it.
Fail to Succeed
Accept that failure is part of the process of developing, and not a reflection of our shortcomings.
A Tiger Mom Roaring
My Tiger Mom approach involved a lot of criticism about what they weren’t doing and should be doing. It involved strict rules and little room for enjoying each other.
Chinese, Not Chinese
I felt neither here nor there. I never felt like I was ‘in’ an ‘in group’ because I am always an outsider. I’m not really ‘local’ anywhere.
I’m Proud of You, Mommy
“You know, I’m really proud of you. It’s not easy to NOT yell at kids – not a lot of parents can do that. And now we hardly have a day when you yell at us.”
Not Doin’ Nothin’ This Weekend
So I’ve decided… I’m not going to do anything this weekend. I’m not going to make a list, I’m not going to feel guilty.
Maybe, He’s a Spoon…
When we knowingly wink and say ‘well, he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer’, we are assuming that someone is a knife and that a knife should be sharp. We know that’s not true.
Lazy Procrastinating Mama
You know where I’m going with this, right? I’m not that mom who spent a month planning and creating the perfect homemade costume, who is decking out the porch in Halloween decorations, who spent the weekend carving Jack o’Lanterns with my kids and their cousins… Nope. I had to all day work Sunday. I was…
Raging at Kids is Signal: Need Self Care!
For the first few years of my kids’ lives, I thought that yelling at them was my way of disciplining and teaching them. But over time, I came to notice that 1) I wasn’t consistent in what I yelled at, 2) I had some specific triggers, and 3) while some things might have made a…
Somehow whenever I ask them if they have homework and it’s still light out, the answer is ‘no mommy’ and yet somehow 2 minutes before bed, someone panics about homework that is due tomorrow.
Mommy, I’m Glad You Don’t Spoil Us
Why? Well, my 9-year old heard a story about a spoiled rich kid. His father bought a TV and wanted to test it using the kid’s X-Box, which A2 pointed out, was probably paid for by the dad. The kid got so upset that he had a temper tantrum and threw a something at the…
Don’t Grow Up, My Little Tweens!
The parents of teenagers scare the bloody heck out of me with their stories of moody gangly monsters who no longer think their parents have any valuable advice to give.
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