After my podcast interview with Tou Ger Lee, I was so impressed with him that I booked him for a coaching session. And boy, was it mind-blowingly good.
A friend once told me that everyone should have a therapist. She was living in Los Angeles at the time, and it was sort of an LA thing to say, so I didn’t take her that seriously. Now that I am in therapy, I get it. (But it’s expensive or has to be covered by insurance from good benefits from a decent job, so it’s not something everyone has access to.) The other thing I’m realizing is that everyone needs a coach.
Tou Ger started off by asking me what I wanted out of this session. Smart, I thought to myself, he is ensuring that we spend the time in the best way possible. So I responded with “A decision making process for determining what to do for this specific big decision.” He seemed pleased that I was picking something that was appropriate for coaching, rather than consulting or counselling/therapy. So I asked him what the difference was.
He explained: Therapy/counselling would be delving into the past for causes of the challenges I experience making decisions. Consulting would be him analyzing the situation/data and giving me his professional opinion and advice. While coaching is us assuming that I know myself best, him using a bird’s eye view, and me working through a framework to get what I need.
Without going into the details. He masterfully got me to a point where I realized that my limiting belief was that I was helpless. This was the thought that causes me physical illness and a spiral that I can’t get out of. It’s what I’m working through with therapy. Then he helped me discover what my winning strategy was, the thought that gets me motivated and able to face the world. What he helped me realize is when my winning strategy (developed when I was a child to cope with the world when it was unsafe) probably got me as far as it did because it’s not a terrible strategy. It’s good. But when it didn’t work, I collapsed into my limiting belief and the chaotic spiral that came with it.
Tou Ger is a young person. He’s not a working mother of two boys. He’s not the same background as me, but he was masterful in guiding me through this process to get to a point where I was like, OMG, this is very powerful.
I was making decisions based on my limited belief that “I am helpless” and he asked me “How do we choose from a different place?” So… what mentality do I need to be able to make the kinds of choices that make sense? We worked at it, we tweaked it, he asked me how I felt, we negotiated some words, and finally, we arrived at my winning strategy.
Tou Ger is doing a lot of giving back to the community this year. In 2021, he has committed to providing one free coaching session per week day. Visit his website if you feel that you would benefit from speaking with him this year!